No, Seriously

As I have increasingly discovered, Internet dating is a real thing, a serious phenomenon, and something that certainly has many sociological and psychological scholars talking. Online dating has a definition, developed by numerous scholars, has thousands of articles written about it, and it has certainly piqued the curiosity of millions of individuals worldwide. Internet dating isn’t just a fad. It’s the real deal.

According to Nicola Doering (2002), a relationship is when two people have repeated communication with one another, when they remain in contact over a period of several occasions and get to know each other. A romantic relationship, more specifically, notes a strong personal bond between individuals, where there is a potential to develop into family relationships and openness to sexuality, and where passion, intimacy, and commitment play crucial parts in the relationship (2002).

I noticed in these definitions that there is no mention of what modes of communication the individuals would use to remain in touch and get to know each other. I also noticed that there is no specification in whether the communication needs to be synchronous or asynchronous. Therefore, one can note that a cyber-relationship is just as much a legitimate relationship as one developed over face to face communications, at least according to scholarly definitions.

Cyber-relationships are also extremely pervasive, whether we notice it or not. There are continuous commercials on television advocating specific online dating websites, like LavaLife. However, in the article by Nicola Doering, a professor at the Ilmenau University of Technology in Germany, statistics show that according to a telephone survey in 1995, 14% of US citizens who have access to the Internet, had stated they have made acquaintances online (2002).

Percentages are much higher, however, when considering the amount of individuals that have been indirectly affected by online dating. Marlene Maheu, founder of the online SelfhelpMagazine, conducted a study (1999) which noted that 70% of respondents in her study reported having experienced at least one case of online-romance in their immediate surroundings.

Doering’s article also notes that there are now specialists in dealing with online relationships. For example, there is now counseling literature specifically targeted at online relationships. Doering (2002) states that there are also online magazines that help to make sense of online relationships, such as “the Self-help and Psychology Magazine, the Friends and Lovers – Relationship Magazine, Cybergrrl, or the Love, Romance, and Relationships web site”. I looked at the Friends and Lovers webpage to see how it worked, and there are clearly thousands and thousands of entries, allowing the possibility to discuss any subject. Discussion groups and online self-help groups are also a possibility for those looking for assistance.

It is evident that cyber relationships are becoming a larger and more important part of society, since there are new professions centering on the subject, and individuals are seeking advice, and there are now resources to help find answers. Clearly, online dating is not a complete minority anymore.

And I am sorry for anyone who may have been hoping I would post some information about my experiences with online dating in the next post. I will try to find time to sign up as soon as possible.

Industry of the Rich and the Famous

 I have been looking at some of the Internet dating websites trying to figure out their popularity in terms of numbers and I stumbled upon an article in the New York Times about one in particular called Plenty of Fish (click here for article).

This article is all about the developer of the Internet dating website, Marcus Frind. Even though Frind only puts in approximately ten hours of work per week, he still manages to rake in a profit of $10 million dollars per year! This is an insane amount of money for the hours of work her logs. How does he do it?

Creator of the online dating website Plenty of Fish

Firstly, the program that Frind developed is virtually self-run. Frind has thus far hired only one employee, whose job is to provide “responses to complaints about possibly fraudulent identities and to subpoenas and search-warrant requests” (Stross 2008). Frind also has a laissez-faire attitude concerning the website, and is not interested in perfecting minor irritating aspects, such as distorted thumbnails of images (2008). This attitude must also save him hours of work per week in tweaking his program.

In order to ensure that all of the 50,000 photographs that are uploaded to POF daily are real people, and that they do not contain nudity, Frind’s managed away for his own customers to sort through them (2008). A software twist allows these willing individuals to take hours and hours of work off of Frind’s hands and save him great amounts of money. According to Frind, last year 120 volunteers sorted through 100,000 images each (2008)!  Frind states that POF has these willing volunteers for two reasons: because individuals simply like looking at pictures of others, and because of the gratitude of his customers towards the website. He notes that because the website is free of charge,so “lots of people feel like they want to give back to the site” (2008).

The sheer number of individuals that access this website make it a perfect target for adveritsing, which also rakes in considerable profit for Frind. According to the POF website there are 25,000 new customers every day! It is quite evident, considering the obscene amount of money that Frind makes annually and the great amount of customers subscribing to his website, that the online dating industry is an incredibly profitable one to be a part of!

I became curious about how the whole online dating system works after reading this article, and I therefore resolved to try it out myself. I have decided to join an Internet dating service – probably Plenty of Fish, since it sounds pretty interesting, My next post – hopefully – will include more specific details on my plan of action and maybe some insight on how Internet dating actually works.

Why, Oh Why?

I once again have found that I have been slightly biased with my preconcieved notions about Internet dating. I, as well as many others out there, probably assumed that people turn to online dating because they lack certain social skills, or suffer from extremely low self esteem.

Although these may be valid reasons for an individual to turn to Internet dating, in reality, the things that motivate people to subscribe to Internet dating go much deeper. Helene Lawson and Kira Leck, of the University of Pittsburgh at Bradford conducted a study which, among other things, explores the reasons that individuals may sign up for online dating.

Certainly, a major reason is companionship. Lawson and Leck (2006) state that lonely people who are dissatisfied with their relationships turn to the Internet for it allows an opportunity to meet many people in a short period of time and the individuals that they find online offer great social support. With the vast variety of online dating sites (or even chat rooms) that are targeted to specific individuals could allow for individuals looking for companionship to find a specific type of person that will meettheir needs. For example, there is the popular Jewish online dating website, JDate, for those seeking others with a religion in common.

According to these scholars, people also turn to Internet dating in order to find comfort after a life crisis (2006). In personal interviews with the participants of their study, they found that individuals perceived that friends and family have a tendency to prejudge and blame in the case of certain major events however, those subscribing to Internet communication sites can choose to reveal certain facts about their life crises and not others in order to avoid unfavourable judgement (2006). I find that this is a very interesting facet of online communication, for I had assumed that people online would be more judgemental, for their impressions of others are based on limited facts or pictures.

Another important motive for Internet dating ties in with the previous statement. The individuals who subscribe to Internet dating websites have control over their own self-presentation (2006). Because individuals create their own profiles, they have the control over the information they reveal or hide, and they can simply include flattering aspects of themselves. Some of the participants in the study even noted that they made additional profiles on dating websites, representing themselves as of the opposite sex (2006).

Individuals are also able to assert control over their communication environment in an online setting (2006). This could be especially applicable to the individuals who may be lacking social skills, or who do not fit to the societal norm of beauty. Their communication is mediated, and they therefore do not have to totally expose themselves to those they chat to (2006).

Finally, Internet dating provides individuals freedom from commitment and from stereotypical roles (2006). Internet dating websites can be used for simply “hooking up” instead of creating long-term relationships, and individuals are by no means limited to chatting with only one person at a time. Individuals are also granted freedom from stereotypical roles in that they can be whoever they choose to be (2006). For example, a woman who may be timid in real-life interactions can be as aggressive and assertive as she wishes over the Internet. In my opinion, there is a direct link between the possible anonymity of the Internet and the freedom from stereotypical gender roles.

After reading this article, I realized that people don’t only turn to the Internet for dating because they may not know how to behave in regular social interactions or because they perceive themselves as unattractive. The science of Internet dating is much more complex than that.

Anything and Everything

One of the first things I realized upon beginning the research for this project is that I should have specified my topic. The concept of “Internet dating” is much too broad for the information I’m looking for. I decided to focus mainly on information concerning “Internet relationships” instead. I came upon this realization when I visited craigslist.com to see what their “personals” section was like.

It startled me to know that there are people out there looking for anything and everything. For example, under craigslist personals, people can answer to ads concerning any of the following:

- Strictly platonic

- Women seeking women

- Women seeking men

- Men seeking women

- Men seeking men

- Miscellaneous romance

- Casual encounters

- Erotic services

People can actually post ads looking simply for a hook up! I suppose after seeing infinite commercials on TV about long-lasting relationships formed over the Internet, it never really occurred to me that many people may be looking for something a little (or very) different from the stereotypical lovey-dovey, happily-ever-after relationship that lasts forever.

Here’s the kicker. I stumbled across an advertisement that students from the University of Ottawa might be interested in. It certainly gave me a good laugh. The tagline read: “Let’s make out in Morrisset.” The advertisement, posted on December 18 (exam period!), was from an “alternative looking woman” seeking a man to make out with in the University Library!

There were certain criteria involved such as “must not be boring” and “must have good grammar” and a picture was required. I found this advertisement quite amusing. Unfortunately, the ad no longer exists on craislist for it was added over a month ago, but there are numerous others looking for something similar (and about nine times as many ads for men seeking casual encounters with women – an interesting observation).

This just made me realize that I should  focus my blog and video specifically on online relationships and not simply online dating, for I don’t believe that a make-out session in Morrisset library is really the pathway to finding love.

The Beginning

Being a part of Dr. Strangelove’s class is certainly going to be a new learning experience and a challenge for me. This blog is a mandatory part of the class, as well as a 8-10 minute video documentary that will be uploaded in a few short weeks. At first, I was terrified to have to do a project like this, for it is entirely outside of my comfort zone. However, I soon decided that instead of taking what is probably the easy road and switching into a different class, I would embrace this project as an academic and creative challenge and  see it through.

The Internet as a new mass medium is an extremely popular topic for study at the moment, for it is breaking down barriers and conventions like crazy. Many scholars are left puzzled over the functioning of the Internet, for it is incredibly different than any mass medium our society has been exposed to thus far in technological development. I am sure this is, in part, why Dr. Strangelove gave us this project. He informed us that we would be exploring any topic that interests us, and research its relation to the Internet, and to media theorists like Harold Innis orMarshall McLuhan. I’m sure this is to force us to make connections between things we are passionate about and mass media as a whole, in particular demonstrating how media, such as the Internet, affects everything, even simple day-to-day things.

Choosing a topic was simple for me, because no matter what I chose, it would be applicable to the Internet, because as just mentioned, the Internet and its influence is extremely pervasive in our society.  I chose to examine the influence of the Internet on finding “the one,” for nearly everyone seeks to find the love of their life, get married and live happily ever after, myself included.  Internet dating, therefore, will be my main subject.

I am going to be conducting a lot of research on Internet dating and the websites made for it, and this blog will document my progress in the five weeks that follow. I will also include any little tidbits of information that I find may be interesting or applicable to this project.